The thing with New Year is that most think that it revolves around conversions. Not in the religious sense but a more Tolstoyan concept of new birth. People have epiphanies, make resolutions and even those who don't, secretly hope that things will change. But is conversion really possible? So reads the title of a lesser known paper by British philosopher G.E.Moore. Will we really undergo that mystic transformation of spirit that we experience regularly in childhood and lesser and lesser as we grow older? Every new year, month, week and even day I keep thinking, this is it, this is where things will change, resolves will be made and what’s more , kept. But do we really ever change?
It's been a while and then some. A friend who loyally visits the blog, let's face it, it's gotta be only loyalty that keeps you coming here, is urging to get back to blogging. I am convinced otherwise. Many dusty pieces lie half finished, unedited and uninspired in the drafts section, photographs un uploaded, loosing relevance. By the time I have decided what to say it is not worth saying anymore. Like this New Year post which is already 2 days old and is going to sound even older.
Having passed into a deep, unshakable ( so those who tried say ) slumber at 12.30am on 31st, I missed out on ushering the New Year party and woke up cramped, cold and inexplicably on a terrace early on 1st morning, cut off by a half an hour ride over hilly terrain to civilization and more than an hour for home. Once home it was a new year and the same old shit.
Life in Bombay will continue till divine inspiration intervenes and lights up a path leading to a career/education/ or considering the situation these days, martial harmony. Either of the three options being very welcome.
Television and newspapers will bore me to tears while blogs and alternative non profit media outlets will seduce me from forming rational, sustainable career decisions.
Friends will continue to become chartered accountants with nontaxable salaries, teachers with published research papers, MBA graduates with pay packages, engineers headed to the white lands, government employees with free housing, scholars with fellowships or horror of horrors, journalists happy with their jobs, while I swing from insanity to indifference without unfortunately sticking to any one side.
The swinging both ways will prompt continuing substance abuse that will finally catch up this year, I can feel it in my bones, literally.
The ensuing health hazards will ensure I am still caught between adolescence and being a responsible adult. Family and friends will still have touching faith in the supposed brilliance once displayed as a child, long lost somewhere in the transition from school to college. Continuing anti-social behavior to convince them otherwise will, in turn, nullify the third life changing path open in 2010.. martial harmony. Hence back to career, education and square one.
Travel and Living, National Geographic, random road trips, short lived projects, dabbling in photography, music, writing and other forms of simulated stimulation will continue to help living vicariously.
To misquote the Wreckers -
Only crazy people will still Fall in love with me Will come from all over To be with me Bank robbers and killers Drunks and drug dealers Only crazy people will Fall in love with me and vice- versa
Blog formatting will continue to be a bitch and malfunction and switching to a new blog will continue not being an option, because, whose blogging anyway?
So in spite years of enthusiastic faith in the possibilities of change, things never really change intrinsically. Monday mornings cannot be made to feel like Saturday nights.
For those for whom it is a New and Happy year, Happy New Year.